Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
