i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
