haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
