i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
