I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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