I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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