Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Michael Bay diarrhea
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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