I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
