8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
