im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
