I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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