yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
