last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
