I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
