Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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