I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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