genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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