i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
