I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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