So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
