Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
