dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
