dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
