Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
