I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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