yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
