I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
