Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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