we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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