and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
