my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
