Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
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"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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