Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
