Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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