Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
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I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
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You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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