Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
