we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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