Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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