you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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