I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
