Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
