I'm sorry my penis didn't work
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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