Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
