Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
