She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
