I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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