no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
