i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
