Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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