He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
