OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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