i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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