when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
