I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize