You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
