Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
