I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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