So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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