based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
