wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
