i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
