He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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