And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
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i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
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Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You're a waste of cheezeits
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize