Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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