Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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