Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
