You can't special order awesome
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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