This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
