i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
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Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
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You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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